How Betty Negotiated a More Fair Rent Arrangement with her Roomie
At the Fiscal Femme we talk about our financial fails each week. Why? When we share our money mishaps, we realize we’re not alone. We’re all figuring this out together. We also can learn from one another’s mistakes.
One common trend I see in our financial fails each week is that we often avoid awkward or uncomfortable money conversations at the expense of our own financial well-being.
We buy something in the store that we don’t want or need just so we don’t “waste” the salespersons’ time. We stick with a mortgage broker who got us a worse rate because they’ve already spent so much time helping us. Or we buy the more expensive dress because our friends say they prefer it.
If this is happening to so many of us (myself included!), I thought it would be helpful to dive into a specific awkward money convo and help a community member navigate it.
First up… Betty! I coached her through an awkward money convo with her roomie and this is what happened.
The situation rundown.
Betty adores her roommate of about nine months. They first met when she toured the apartment and when she moved in they decided to split rent and utilities down the middle.
What Betty didn't realize was that her roommate had a larger room and closet, ensuite bathroom and most importantly to Betty - dedicated parking, while Betty has to fend for herself each day.
Betty had started to harbor resentment for the situation and wanted to share how she's feeling and come up with an arrangement that feels more fair.
What held her back from having the convo.
Betty worried the conversation would be really uncomfortable. She didn’t want to come off as if she's "nickel and diming" her roommate and also felt somewhat guilty that she accepted the arrangement to begin with. She also worried about causing tension around the apartment.
Important for all awkward money convos: Even if you have accepted a current arrangement, it's okay (and important) to revisit an arrangement once you have more information, circumstances have changed or it no longer feels good.
the benefits to having the convo.
Betty believed having the conversation would feel like a relief. She’d get to share how she’s been feeling and hopefully change her situation. She also thought this was great practice for other awkward money convos. I couldn’t agree more!
KNOw the goal.
While Betty was open to hearing her roommates ideas, we talked through some potential options that felt fair. She said at a minimum, she’d like to be paying $100 less per month in rent and that $150-$200 was ideal.
We also came up with alternative, where they’d switch parking spots halfway through the year each year.
How we structured the conversation.
Here’s how we decided to structure the conversation.
Address the awkwardness. This could be as simple as “This is awkward but I’ve been meaning to talk to you about…”
Start with the positives. Betty has loved living with her roommate and overall feels really grateful for the arrangement and that they found one another. It’s a wonderful way to start the conversation.
Script the hardest parts. Transitioning to the part where she asked about rent was the hardest part (for most of us) so we came up with a line that felt good. We came up with - “Now that I have a better idea of the living arrangements, I’d like to come up with something that feels more fair.”
Make it a win-win. Before sharing her ideas Betty said “I want to come up with a solution that feels really good for both of us and am very open to your ideas too.” I thought that was beautiful!
Decide on a time and have someone hold you accountable.
Having an awkward money convo is not something most of us will look forward to so it’s very easy to put it off. Betty decided on a day and then I checked in with her to see how it went. Having someone hold us accountable always helps!
The result.
The conversation was a success! Not only was Betty’s roomie amenable to adjusting the rent, she offered to decrease her rent by $300 per month and keep the parking spot. This was well above Betty’s ideal range.
I’m so proud of Betty and am excited to see what other awkward money convos she’s ready to tackle going forward now that she has this practice under her belt.
Have an awkward money convo you’d like help with? Send me an email at ashley@thefiscalfemme.com.