Love and Money Etiquette - A Fiscal Femme Anonymous Survey

Dating and money etiquette, financial red and green flags, and more.

Dating and early relationships can be stressful. Then add in money and it gets even more complicated.

Not only is dating expensive (hello inflation!), it can also be confusing. I always had questions like…

Who should pay? Do we split?
When should we talk about money?
How do we split expenses?
Is that a financial red flag?
What are my financial green flags?

And the list went on and on. While a lot of the questions around money and dating have stayed the same, a lot has changed since I went on my last date as a single woman ten years ago.

I got curious and decided to poll my community. Here’s what you shared:

RESULTS FROM A FISCAL FEMME ANONYMOUS DAtinG & MOney SURVEY.

QUESTION 1

In the early stages of dating, how do you think the bill should be split?

Some interesting takeaways…

Many said that whoever made the invite (or asked the other person out) should be the one to pay, regardless of gender or earnings (this was true in the U.S. and other countries represented)
Some suggested we factor in the pay gap to determine how to split the bill
Some said men should pay (in opposite sex relationships) because women have the pink tax and additional expenses for beauty and safety
One woman likes to pay on the first date “to assert dominance,”

Money and dating poll - when do you prefer to discuss finances while dating

QUESTION 4

What are financial red flags you avoid in a partner?

18% - A lot of debt (specifically credit card debt)
17% - Careless with spending / overspending / erratic spending
13% - No budget / no plan / no goals
8% - Lack of emergency funds / no savings
6% - Doesn't invest (for retirement or otherwise)
5% - Always expects you to pay
5% - Extremely restrictive / cheap / doesn't tip
4% - Won't talk about money
4% - Bad credit / no credit
4% - Wears many designer labels / keeps up with the Joneses / fancy car
3% - Asks to borrow money in early stages
3% - No / little personal finance knowledge
2% - Makes you feel guilty about money
2% - No job
2% - Lying about money
2% - Oversharing / bragging about wealth
2% - Depends on parents / parents depend on them

As if you needed any more reason to get your finances in order and improve your relationship with money!

Some other highlights of your dating red flags:

Thinks investing in a 401(k) is pointless
Lack of interest in personal finance
Doesn’t want to talk about money
Doesn’t give to any non-profit organizations
“Forgets” their wallet
Won’t tell me how much they make
Only talks about cyrpto
Asks for money for something that they said they would pay for
Credit card declined on first date
Equates ability to pay with masculinity
Wants to be in charge of accounts
Tells me how to manage my money on the first date

QUESTION 5

What are financial green flags you look for in a partner?

21% - Has a plan / has goals / has a budget
18% - Invests for future - including retirement / 401(k)
17% - Saves money (even if small amounts)
9% - Financially aware / thoughtful about big purchases / confident / knowledgable
9% - Open / talks about money
5% - Generous with money
5% - No credit card debt or has a plan to pay it off
5% - Lives within means
4% - Willing to splurge on what's important
4% -Steady job
3% - Prioritizes financial wellness